also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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