i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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