I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
