I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
