Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
