Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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