That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
