so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
