The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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