went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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