Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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