lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize