i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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