I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
