you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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