shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
