this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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