Your mouth is God's brothel.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
