maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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