Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
