Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
