i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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