I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
