I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
