The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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