A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
