I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
