found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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