I got chris browned last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you had me at cake vodka
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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