Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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