what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
