then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
