On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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