made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
