Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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