Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
