Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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