I'm so fucking centered right now
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize