I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
