like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
