Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
