dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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