He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
