I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
