In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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