I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
third nipple confirmed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
