she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
