the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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