i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
