If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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