i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize