his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
