just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
