Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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