I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
