im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
