clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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