I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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