I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
