well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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