I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my vag is so smooth its legendary
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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