Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
