Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
