Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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