she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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