I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
