i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
